• me: *names child butter*
  • me: *accidently brings home wrong child*
  • me: i can't believe it's not butter

aschoolgirlcrush:

“will u marry me?”

“okie dokie”

(via gnarly)

litahalford:

it infuriates me when people tell me “lifes too short to not forgive people!” like NO lifes too short for me to continually allow abusive and manipulative behavior in my life and live in a constant state of anxiety bc I want to be “nice” or whatever

(via ghostlytreats)

weteevee:

parents when they can’t get a hold of you: “i called TWICE AND YOU DIDN’T PICK UP”

me when i can’t get a hold of my parents: “I BROKE MY LEG. I CALLED UR CELL 11 TIMES, UR WORK PHONE 7 TIMES, AND SENT YOU 23 TEXTS, AND NO RESPONSE”

my parents: “wow sorry i was busy”

(Source: flygoing, via gnarly)